Yu~ki-sama (yuki_sama) wrote in maliciousmizery,
Yu~ki-sama
yuki_sama
maliciousmizery

-he breathed heavily, sighing on the table and glancing at his watch again..

//If you didn't want to wait, you shouldn't have come early..//

But he knew that if he'd arrived any later than he did, he would have worried.. worried that his partner had been here first, and perhaps waited for him then left.. no, it was much easier to come fifteen minutes prior to eight and spend the time distracting himself, pretending he was as confident as he wished, confident enough to worry about what would happen once Kozi got here like a normal person would do, not if he would come at all. Despite it, his pale fingertips drummed against the tabletop, graced with only a tablecloth and napkins as the food could not be ordered until Kozi-kun arrived, and begun telling the story over in his head again, trying to distract himself by thinking if he'd finished everything at home before coming out, but always being drawn back to Kozi somehow..

He glanced down at the fraying edges of the shirt beneath his suit, small orange fibres clinging to the black material against his wrist. The crisp black suit was practically the only clean unwrinkled item left in his closet this morning when he went to change, he regretted it as his children's intuition has directed him towards a faint orange shirt with small black buttons, which was now beginning to malt on his one respectable black item. Although it could barely be seen unless closely inspected, he was sure Kozi would notice-- Kozi always noticed things like that. Little imperfections, in his music, in his clothing, in his performances. He was always striving for perfection, trying to get things absolutely faultless. He was a lover of beauty.

He sighed. There was little sense in what he knew of Kozi and what he knew of himself. But he let it pass as a waiter moved past the table again, suspiciously eyeing where he sat, checking yet again, no doubt, if his friend was here yet, or ever going to arrive.

//They just think he's late because I got here early.. but he's not, he still has another five minutes before eight o'clock.. he'll be here..//

His fingertips began drumming on the table again, making a noise progressively louder and louder, unheard to his ears, but seen by his eyes within a few moments in the reactions of the visitors nearby, who had leant over their meals to bring themselves closer to their guests and hosts, whispering about the disruptance. Embarassed he pulled his hands back under the table and rested them on his lap, realising that his right leg was jolting up and down with nerves. Forcing it to come to a standstill with a combination of mindpower and his hands, he glanced out the window and onto the city lights below.

The small dots of light stood out amongst the near pitch black of the city, the buildings illuminated by the pinprick holes of white joining together and forming a dim glow. He thought it was pretty to see the city like this at night.. Kozi would appreciate it if he got here...

//When he gets here.. when.. stop being so pessimistic..//

But although he scolded himself for constantly thinking the worst, the thoughts did not cease once his eyes drifted back to the city, blanketed in shadow before him. He lifted his index finger to the place between his eyes and pushed his glasses up further onto the bridge of his nose, sighing again and looking down at the tablecloth. His hand fell down to rest upon it and the small metallic watch poking out from underneith the tangle of orange and black shone in the light trickling through the window. Its face glinted for a moment and caught his eye. It had just gone eight o'clock.

He heard the elevator open behind him, a small "bing~" ringing through the quieting restaurant. But before his hopes could spark, he heard a man addressing the elevator occupant, and to his dismay, the voice replied. A voice that wasn't Kozi's. He sighed and looked back down at his hands, clasping each other, not even bothering to turn around..-
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  • 93 comments
-sprinting down the street, he mentally cursed himself for not leaving sooner...
Coming across a group of people that seemingly did not want to walk faster, but were taking up the whole pavement; he slowed, impatiently walking along behind them, until he couldn't bear to walk so slowly anymore, and pushed through them, giving as many dirty looks as he received...

Finally reaching the building, he pressed the button to call the elevator, and checked his watch. 8.10pm.

//Dammit! I hope he hasn't got tired of waiting and left already...//

A small ding informed him the elevator had arrived, and he stepped aside whilst a stream of people left, looking carefully at the crowd in case one of them happened to be Yu~ki-kun.

//He's not there. Good. That means he is still in Soho's...I hope...//

Stepping swiftly into the lift, he turned his attention to the mirrored wall, finally regaining his breath from the run.
He unbuttoned his long, black leather trenchcoat, feeling quite warm from running, and hoped that the black shirt and red tie, worn with a slightly worn looking black suit would be alright for eating in such a place.
He hadn't been able to resist adding a pair of black, fishnet fingerless gloves to the combination...they just made the outfit a whole lot more...him.

Another ding informed him he had reached the right floor, and he stepped out of the lift...
"Sir.. would you care to order?"

-the waiter stood in front of him in perfect uniform; black pants, black shirt a small silver platter with someone else's cheque on it, perhaps a sign to him that it was time to make an order himself. His eyes were all but welcoming, still retaining that customer-friendly smile they always beared, but something inside them giving him an inquisition over his guest that he wasn't prepared for. He noticed the waiter's eyes drift to his shirt collar and then down to his chest, where, suit left unbuttoned, his orange shirt was even more apparent. Their eyes met again and he could see this time he was being even less tolerant, as if before he was a customer who was disobeying him, and now he was someone undeserving of being here in the first place who was being unruley. He caught a small glimmer of distain in the perfectly dressed man's eyes as he looked away, back to his arm apparently, shifting the small black piece of material kept over his forearm, pinned underneith the platter. Finally, the waiter looked back at him.-

"Sir, this is a very busy restaurant. We have a lot of people here every day. As you know.. we're still a blossoming business." -he smiled, all conviction gone, obviously set back into emotionless, pleased-to-serve waiter mode- "The food here is very nice, and the view beautiful, don't you think? So.."

-he waited, knowing the question to come-

"..Do you want to order?"

-he stared down at the table for a moment, before finally pushing his chair back a little and rising to his feet, the waiter obviously half surprised to see him leaving, half satisfied with his small interrogation. He placed hand on the chair and moved it out of the way, avoiding eye contact with the waiter, stepping aside and beginning to walk down the small pathway between the tables against the window, and the tables on the next row over. Just as the waiter reached to adjust the tablecloth, he turned around in midstep and waited for the man holding the silver platter, now rested under his arm, to look over-

I'm just visiting the bathroom.. I'll be back soon. Perhaps you should serve someone else in the meantime. I won't be long. If my guest arrives, please direct him to my table.

-leaving the waiter, half scowling as he moved off to another table, he walked through the rows of people, eventually walking to the back of the restaurant and ducking inside the men's toilets, hearing it swing closed behind him as he made his way over to the sinks and rested his hands on either side of the nearest one, peering into the mirror. He looked at himself for a moment, studying his features, checking for imperfections in his clothing, buut found too many to remedy and just ran his fingers through his hair once, trying to smooth down the stray orange sections, but to no avail. He brushed his hand over the black material around his neck and down the front, trying to flatten out the small creases he'd already made. He looked into the mirror again and sighed. He still thought he looked terrible, nothing seemed to be fixing his apalling state. He leant further in and spoke softly..-

..This is why Kozi hasn't come...

-a flush coming from behind seemed to rouse him, stepping back from the mirror and turning on a tap quickly, just as someone left the cubicle. They came to stand beside him, someone about his age, quickly washing and drying their hands on the towel beside the sink, giving him a short friendly smile as they departed. He himself through, could barely bring himself to smile back, as his hands lay almost motionless underneith the running water. Grudgingly, he grabbed the towel beside his sink also and dried them, turning the tap off and heading for the door..-
-Almost as soon as he stepped from the lift, he was approached by a rather arrogant-looking, flawlessly dressed waiter...-

"Good evening sir, table for...one?"
-The man sounded a little contemptuous as he sounded the last word, and raised an eyebrow ever so slightly at his almost entirely black attire... -

Thank you, but I am meeting somebody here...unfortunately I have been held up.

"Ahh, I see..." -The waiter began to leaf through papers on the stand with the 'please wait here to be seated' sign attached, obviously trying to make it look as if he were checking up on something...

Peering around the man and into the restaurant, his mood fell as he glanced around the tables set by the windows to see nobody that looked even the slightest bit like Yu~ki. He turned his gaze to another part of the restaurant, tables that were away from the view, but still could see no sign of the other man.
Slowly taking a last, sweeping look around the rastaurant in the hope that he had missed seeing Yu~ki-kun the first time, he returned his attention to the waiter, who was still looking through the papers on the stand with an affected air...-

"I am sorry Sir, but..." -as the waiter began to speak, his attention was drawn away from what was being said by a patch of bright orange in the background.
Glancing over, he saw a woman dressed in black with a rather ugly orange bag. He glared slightly, then realised that the waiter had stopped talking....-

Pardon?

"Sir, what I said was we have no..."
-his attention began to wander again, he was starting to think he had gone to the wrong place, looking around again, to the tables with the view, and back to the tables in the back of the restaurant, none of which seemed to have Yu~ki seated at them...-

//Where is he?//

-Looking back at the 'scenic' part of the restaurant, he admired the view whilst the waiter droned on in a vaguely monotonous voice.
Slightly out of the focus of his vision, someone sat down at one of the window-side tables, blocking part of his view of the city. Looking at the person, his mood lifted again as he recognised them, he smiled slightly as he noticed the old orange shirt teamed with a black suit that looked as if it had never been worn...-

"...so, if you would like to wait-"

Sorry, he is over there...
-he cut off the man mid-sentence, and slipped past him into the restaurant...

He slowed as he reached the table, taking in Yu~ki's apperance...the man looked thoughtful, chin rested on one hand, gazing out at the view with a faraway look in his eyes...

He tapped him lightly on the shoulder as he sat himself down in the other chair...-

Konbanwa, Yu~ki-kun. -smile-
Kozi-san!

-he couldn't help the grin spreading across his face as he watched the other man do the same, watching him slide into the chair on the opposite side of the table with a certain amount of elegance, his red tie swinging with Kozi's movement, resting squarely in the center of his chest, as poised as Kozi himself. Sitting back in his chair he noticed a waiter passing the table-- the same one from before, giving Kozi a very watchful eye as he passed the table. But unlike him, Kozi didn't seem to care in the slightest, leaning on the tabletop with his two elbows, showing off both his fishnet gloves and perfectly matched nailpolish color. He couldn't help but smile again; Kozi had obviously taken such care in choosing the smallest of things such as the tint of his nails, proving without a doubt that his thoughts before had been correct. There was a grin in Kozi's eyes, although the one upon his mouth had somewhat faded by now, one of great excitement he could see. Perhaps he was happy to see him, after all..-

Kozi-san.. what held you up?

-he winced a little, unsure of how the other man would take this, if not with offence, at least with some sort of distain.. but looking at Kozi across the table from him, now glancing at his nails again, apparently looking for a chip or some other flaw by the look of concentration on his face, he felt a lot more at ease than he had before, when the idea of Kozi inside his head had been that of someone levels above him, someone out of reach..

//..And yet here he is.. with me..//-
I came across a huge traffic jam on the way here...

-he waved his hands around a little, emphasizing the 'huge'-

..so I ended up parking in some place a little way along the road, and walked the rest of the way...but got stuck behind a load of tourists who took up the whole pavement...

-he rolled his eyes as he mentioned tourists, and grinned, resolving not to tell Yu~ki-san that the 'little way along the road' was actually closer to two miles...-

I hope you did not worry, Yu~ki-kun!

-he said playfully, knowing that it was well within Yu~ki's nature to become anxious if anyone was even a couple of minutes late for a meeting...something he had learnt about the man a long time ago, back in the days when Malice Mizer were just an indies band...

He smiled as he cast an eye over Yu~ki's appearance again, he's seen Yu~ki wear that shirt hundreds of times, it was obviously one of his favourites...and it looked good on him. The orange shade complimented the orange of his hair, and was altogether very...very Yu~ki.-
-he sat, smiling as he watched Kozi-san become involved in his story, as he always did when telling anyone of something he was passionate about, waving his arms about in what he thought was a very respectable manner when describing such a thing, but he noticed the odd glance from other tables at his more enthusiastic movements. He didn't care though, Kozi had a way of sweeping people up inside his enthusiasm, making them feel exactly as he was when he spoke.. he was truly a public speaker at heart, always meant for the stage and spotlight. He seemed to calm down, possibly because he'd noticed the sidewaays glances too, but nonetheless was much quieter than before, lowering his arms to the table and keeping them there, though he could imagine how much it pained the man to make his eccentric limbs behave themselves.

When Kozi mentioned the idea of him worrying, he did nothing but smile, nodding politely, but he could feel himself growing pink in the roses of his cheeks. As he looked away for a moment, trying to regain his calm, he looked back and noticed Kozi's eyes on his shirt.

//..I told you he'd notice.. you knew he would, God dammit, why do you always have to do this..//

Nervously he began fiddling with his collar, straightening it although he had smoothed it perfectly before inside the men's room, simply trying to make it look as if he had tried to look okay for this evening. But Kozi-san was apparently not looking anymore, which half calmed him and half put him even more on edge, knowing that Kozi-san didn't mind, or that perhaps it was more that he didn't care. It was then that he noticed another waiter, not the same as before, slightly older and greying more than the other man, bent over a table across the row from them, taking another customer's order. He felt a small pang in his stomach, and realised at once that he was fairly hungry-

Anou.. perhaps we should order, I'm feeling a little empty, ne? And it's s convenient place to feel so seeing as it's a restaurant.

-he smiled-
-suddenly feeling rather hungry himself, he grinned back, and nodded...-

Hai, lets order.

-realising that he was still wearing his coat, he shrugged it off so that it fell over the back of the chair, inside out, but he didn't partiuclarly care.
Leaning against the table again, he waited whilst Yu~ki tried to attract the attention of a waiter, watching him thoughtfully. Yu~ki's nervousness a moment ago had not gone unnoticed...

//must do something about that//

Although Yu~ki's nervousness had always seemed quite endearing to him, he thought about what he could do - or say - to make the man (who was still trying to get the waiters attention) feel more at ease, and spoke softly...-

Ne, Yu~ki-kun...you look great.
e.. tou..
-he looked down, trying to avoid eye contact-

domo.. domo arigatou Kozi-kun. anata mo...

-he started fidgeting, wrapping his fingers around the tablecloth edge nervously as he saw the black blur of another waiter pass the table, snapping to his senses and glancing up quickly, not thinking to unravel his loosely caught digits from the material around them. His head shot up in the direction of the movement, quickly raising a hand to signal to the waiter, but found himself pulling forward and then smacking his hand back into the wood surface of the table, cloth still wound through his fingers. The waiter, obviously hearing the noise, turned around and came towards him, who by now, had removed the fabric and was gently massaging his fingers-

"Good evening sir.. are we ready to order?"

Ah.. yes.. we are...

-still rubbing his fingers, the waiter passed him the small white menu and he had to cease for a moment to read the small print, pushing his glasses further up the bridge of his nose to read it-

I believe, I will have.. anou...

-he leant in further towards the menu, still straining to read in this harsh light, and eventually gave up; the glare from the laminated surface was making it impossible to read, coupled with the reflection on his glasses. He pointed to a meal in the Main Course section and waited to perhaps hear a comment from the waiter to give him some indication, but none came, simply the sound of scribbling as he jotted it down. Trying not to make a fool of himself in front of Kozi, not even knowing his own order, he began to rest the menu back down on the table as if everything was fine, before the waiter spoke again-

"Any deserts?"

-he paused. He'd seen the recognisable word in the deserts column, the one he could read despite his glasses failing him. But unless he was asked directly he was sure he could have avoided the confrontation.. however.. now that he mentioned it..-

Could I please have a chocolate ice-cream, too.. a small.. chocolate.. ice-cream...

-he caught the smile from the waiter, obviously noticing his own embarassment at placing the order, and turned to Kozi-

"And for you, sir?"
-he was unable to resist smiling slightly at Yu~ki's choice of desert, although he was not at all surprised, knowing how well the man loved chocolate...

He studied the shiny white menu, trying to pick what to eat - almost tempted to say he'd have the same as Yu~ki, but not knowing what the other man had ordered...

...his decision was made when he spied a dish being carried to a nearby table, making his mouth water...-

I'll have the Yakisoba...

"Anything for dessert?"

-the waiter asked whilst scribbling out the order. He looked through the list of desserts for a few seconds, tempted by several things, but finally settling for something he thought appropriate, next to Yu~ki's order...-

Hmm...just a strawberry ice cream, please.

"Of course Sir. Your meals should not take long."

-he smiled gratefully at the waiter, who finished writing down the order, collected their menus, and left them...

Leaning back in his chair, he looked out of the window at the lights of the city below, the lit up signs advertising all the big brands, the smaller lit signs for the little shops near to Harajuku, and all the stream of lights from cars...-

Nice view, ne, Yu~ki? It's nice here...

-he said thoughtfully, still looking out of the window...yes...it was nice being here...with Yu~ki...-
Hai.. kirei da ne..

-his view drifted onto the city lights as Kozi's did, the eyes had been glancing wistfully at his partner were drawn no matter how much he fought against it, and he too was engulfed in the beauty of the picture painted so late at night.. watching the small colorful blurs down on the streets, overcome with the idea that there could possibly be so many people in the same city as him, all moving in a million different directions, thinking a million different things.. all moving on, unaware that he was watching their cars speed past high up in the Soho building above them...

Gently pulling himself out from the daze he had lapsed into, he noticed Kozi in a similar sort of state from what he could see, tempted to ask what he was thinking just to see if their thought paths had crossed, but he could see Kozi was just as immersed as he had been, and did not want to disturb him. As he finally, too, seemed to rouse himself and move his attention back to the table, he found himself thinking again, of how to approach the subject he'd thought of all night, and the lines he'd rehearsed in front of the mirror over and over, the subtle introductions he'd created and then slowly discarded one by one..-

Ko-

-the words caught in his throat for a second, coughing quietly, hand raised to his mouth, before trying to resume, noticing his shaking hand as it returned to the table-

Kozi-san.. I have to.. talk to you...

-he could feel himself getting emotional already and forced it back, refusing to let himself be taken over right now, wanting to get the facts and information straight before anything emotion based came into the equation..-

..about something... that is.. very im- important...

-he paused, having more trouble with every word, his hands clasped together tightly under the table, realising his head had slowly been dropping until eye contact was impossible and he was now staring at the table between them, focusing on the small crease running down the centre of the tablecloth..-

..to.. to me...
-he finally tore his eyes away from the enrapturing view, finally stopping himself from wondering how many people must be down there amongst those lights, how many of them were looking wondering who was looking down from the tall buildings...he turned his attention back to Yu~ki-kun, who had begun to speak. The nervous expression had returned to Yu~ki's face, and his eyes had become fixed to the tablecloth...

He sat patiently whilst Yu~ki stammered out the words, a thousand thoughts running through his mind about what he was saying, wondering what the orange-haired bassist was going to say, all the time listening to the man's captivating voice as it softly formed the words, until Yu~ki had stopped talking, still not looking up...

Leaning forward, he tried to make eye contact, or at least catch the expression on Yu~ki-kun's face...
Seeing that Yu~ki did not seem to be about to say anymore, he encouraged him to continue, speaking gently...-

Go on, Yu~ki-kun...I am listening...

-he sat, concerned at the seriousness of Yu~ki-san's expression, and waited for the man to get his thoughts together and continue, all the time watching the look on the man's face, mind still coming up with a hundred different reasons why he could look so stressed and serious...-
-coaxed by the gentle words of the man sitting in front of him, he managed to grab hold of what he was meaning to say.. gulping once and forcing himself to push the words past his lips..-

anou.. I don't know what were are.. exactly...

-thinking he'd already said something wrong, was tempted beyond measure to just stand up and leave, but resolved that it would solve nothing and breathed deeply for a second, trying to give himself the courage he so sorely needed-

..I've known you for years Kozi-san, nine or ten now, and I know that sometimes these things just come to you and leave as quickly, and.. I know we're not just friends, and I know we're not just bandmates, and I know we're not.. -he gulped- partners.. I'm just wondering.. what.. we are.
-he stared at Yu~ki for a moment, realising that he didn't really know what they were either...they certainly were not just friends....he hadn't thought of him like just a friend in a long time...

Parting his lips, he tried to come up with some kind of answer as to what they were now...or at least, a reply that would somehow satisfy Yu~ki-kun's question, both in his mind and in Yu~ki's...-

I...-he paused as soon as he'd spoken the first word, trying to think of what to say - and how to say it...-

I...don't know...-he paused again, brow slightly furrowed..and sighed...-

I care about you, Yu~ki...in a different way to how I would care for a friend...I have done for a while...if I didn't, then what happened the other night wouldn't have happened...
-again he paused, worrying that he was saying the wrong thing, as Yu~ki was still staring at the table with an unreadable expression on his face-

...I wish I could give you the answer to your question, but I do not know myself...
-he propped an elbow on the table, resting his chin in his hand, and continued in the same unusually quiet voice he had been speaking with...-

But...maybe we could see each other more...and then work it out, together?

-he awaited Yu~ki's reply, mentally kicking himself for not seeing that question coming, and not being able to give it what he thought was a good enough answer...hoping he had said the right thing...-
-he nodded meekly, not even sure what he wanted the answer to be, trying to control himself from speaking too much, sure that whatever he said would confuse Kozi more, and himself to a possibly larger degree. Despite how he tried, he sighed, and saw Kozi pick up on it, feeling that now was the time to speak if there truly was such a thing-

Anou.. I agree Kozi-san.

-he could feel the words tear themselves out of his throat; he agreed that this is the way it should be.. yes.. it would be the best for both of them...

//..But you don't agree and you know it...//

He swallowed hard, looking into the eyes of his companion and hoping to raise some courages from Kozi's display-

I mean.. I agree that this is the best thing for us to do, ne? We couldn't very well... anou... be....

-//..Why not..? ..Why can't we....? //

He shook his head-

No, no.. we can't. I do see your point Kozi-kun, and think it would be the best thing to do. For your image, for mine, for Mana and Klaha's new projects, we wouldn't want to do ruin things for them now, ne? And for..

-//..You can't say it.. because you know it's not true..//-

Well.. -he smiled and leant over the table slightly, resting his hand on Kozi's- For Mana and Klaha, ne?
-he blinked, a little confused...not quite understanding what Yu~ki was saying...

//Did I say something wrong? To make him think...?//

He felt his insides grow cold...what was Yu~ki suggesting?

He looked at Yu~ki, who had a somewhat forced smile on his face...

Blinking again, he finally registered Yu~ki's hand resting atop his, and shifted, turning his hand so his fingers wrapped themselves around Yu~ki's hand, before starting to speak, somewhat uneasily, still not sure of what Yu~ki was saying...and what Yu~ki thought he had meant...-

Yu~ki...what are you trying to say? Did you..do you think that I... -he left his sentence hanging in mid air, and held onto Yu~ki's hand a little tighter...-

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